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    Motorcycle Test Hell

    I had ridden bikes while I was in high school and college, over 20 years ago, and for some silly reason (an ex-wife that wouldn?t let me ride) I let my motorcycle license lapse. I had been giving some thought to getting on a bike again and learned that a woman I work with is just like my ex-wife?she wouldn?t let her husband ride. She also wanted the garage space that her husband?s bike was taking up (all 20 square feet). So she convinced her husband to sell his motorcycle. Last week I became the proud owner of a ?78 GS750 with 13k miles on it. He was the original owner.

    Well, I needed to get a motorcycle license again. Before I bought the GS, I went to the DMV to get my motorcycle learners permit. It required me to pass a written test. (I answered 24 of 25 questions correctly?I forgot that when riding in a staggered formation it is best to move to a single-file line for curves and when entering and exiting highways.) With my learners permit in wallet, I was allowed me to ride my new bike during daylight hours without passengers and was required to wear a helmet. You then have six-months to get your regular motorcycle license which requires a motorcycle skills test.

    Excellent! I was back on the road again. I had forgot how incredible riding can be. I was spending time getting used to my new bike and over the past two weeks I have put about 1,000 miles on the bike. My wife was getting anxious?and tired of me out every night on the ?new love of my life,? as she put it. She wanted to enjoy the bike as well and go riding with me, legally?she did sneak on a few time for rides to the frozen custard stand. We?re best friends and are used to doing everything together. I told her I would get my regular license. My eight-year old son was also bugging me for a ride on the bike, we bought him a helmet and his mom (ex-wife who wouldn't let me ride) is trying to brainwash the little guy that cycles are evil.


    I called DMV to schedule an appointment for my road test. I was instructed to call the local technical college and enroll in a motorcycle safety course, then I would not have to take the motorcycle skill test. Great. Well, I spent the better part of a day calling the four technical colleges in and around Milwaukee and after hours of phone-tag and voice mail menu hell, I learn that all the courses are already filled. ?They fill up fast, you needed to call last September for classes this summer. Call next month to register for next summer?s classes.? That?s not really an option?without a license that will let my wife share the fun of our new GS, she would make me sell the bike! (Settle down, it's not for sale yet)

    I called DMV back to schedule a motorcycle skill test. ?There is nothing scheduled in your area.? What? How can that be? ?We have a shortage of DMV testers who are licensed motorcycle riders and they have to travel the state doing tests?check back next month to see if we have one scheduled near Milwaukee.? NOT! She suggest that I call the local technical college to enroll in the motorcycle safety course. Please don?t go there ?mam. Let me know where and when the next test appointment is available. ?We have a 2:30 opening in Beaver Dam next Thursday, August 8th.? I?ll take it!

    Beaver Dam is about 70 miles from Milwaukee in the middle of nowhere. (Billy-it?s not far Portage where you?re deadbeat friend is from, if I only knew yesterday, I would have made a short detour after my test to get your cash.) So I re-read the official DMV motorcycle handbook and practice my U-turns (if your feet come off the pegs, you automatically fail your test-YIKES!) and I?m ready to go!

    Yesterday, test day arrives. I take a day of vacation. My wife plans to join me for a leisurely ride to Beaver Dam (Shhhhhhh, she?s not really back there). We have a great ride west out, of the city and through the country, stopping for a nice lunch and arrive in Beaver Dam about 2:00. I drop
    Janet off at the local ShopKo (A local discount chain similar to K-mart) and head over to the DMV. I get in line and am waiting for a half-hour before ?Tester Bill? as his Wisconsin License Plate nametag proclaims, comes in the building and yells, ?All you biker guys outside, you don?t need to wait in line.? There?s 5 of us waiting in line and we follow Bill outside for his pre-test ?pep-talk? and our bike safety inspections.

    Tester Bill explains that he is a retired state trooper (probably former military as well) and has been riding bikes for forty-years, it?s his job to make sure we?re ready for the road. If he doesn?t feel we?re ready, we don?t get our license. ?Oh yeah, and the official DMV handbook is wrong, I don?t want you putting both feed down at stops, I want you keeping your right foot on the peg and brake.? A curveball?all that practicing for nothing!

    Then he checks all our bikes. I checked mine before leaving Milwaukee?everything worked properly. Wouldn?t you know it?my low beam went out on the ride to Beaver Dam. Tester Bill believes me, he?s going to let me take the test with my high beam on. (Wisconsin law requires a headlight on whenever a motorcycle is being operated, even during the day.) Whew! How would I explain that to my wife? Sorry honey, I couldn?t take the test so you?ll have to take a bus back to Milwaukee while I ride home and try to find a new headlight.

    OK, we?re ready to be tested. I?m third in line. First up is farmer boy?17-ish, a big boy, husky we used to say when I was younger. He puts on the orange safety vest and places the ear piece in his hear and mounts his small Kawa. Tester Bill gets in his state-issued, gray Ford Taurus, rolls down his window and tells us waiting bikers he?ll be back in ?about 10-minutes.? He follows farmer boy out onto the road providing driving instructions through his transmitter to the bikers ear piece. Nearly a half-hour passes and we?re beginning to get nervous-this sure is no ?10-minute? test!

    Farm
    er boy comes pulling back into the DMV parking lot, takes his helmet off and his expression says it all?he gives the safety vest and headset to the next victim and moves over to Tester Bill?s car for the ugly re-cap??You failed son, you?re not ready.? Dejected, he gets back on his bike and rides off back to the farm.

    Biker two is a thirty-something Harley-type guy with a brand new Yahama V-star. He gets set to go, Tester Bill tells us he?ll be back in about ?10-minutes.? New bikers to be tested are continuing to come into the DMV parking lot, there?s nearly a dozen now waiting. About 25 minutes goes by and Bill follows the Harley-type guy back into the parking lot. He takes off his helmet and he looks *@%^$*@%^$*@%^$*@%^$ed. It become clear that he did not pass the test either.

    It?s after 4:00 and it?s my turn for the 2:30 test. The knots in my stomach tighten. Harley-type guy passes the baton to me, and I pull on the orange safety vest on and place the small headset into my ear just in time to hear Tester Bill bark, ?I haven?t had a break all day!? I suggest that a short break may be in order before my test. He shouts back, ?I don?t have time, look at all you guys wanted to get tested.?

    My poor wife?she?s been stuck in ShopKo for the past two-hours. What can you do in a discount store for two hours?

    I get on the bike, pull on my helmet and hear Tester Bill say, ?OK young feller, pull out whenever you?re ready.? I?m 43 years old, my shaved head makes me look older and I can?t remember the last time I?d been called ?young feller.? I pop my new GS into first as I hear Bill tell the waiting bikers, ?We?ll be back in about 10-minutes.?

    I head out of the parking lot, stopping before turning onto the road, and hear through the static ?You don?t need to stop there!? as Bill shouts through his transmitter. Oh God, I?m done. I head into Beaver Dam carefully obeying the posted speed limit of 25 mph. Bill had instructed us in his pre-test ?pep-talk? that exceeding the speed limit
    is an automatic fail! ?Try to keep it about 5 mph below the limit. I?m rolling through this small town, an hour away from home listening and obeying Tester Bill: ?Left at the light, right at the next corner, nod so I know you heard me, stop ahead parallel to the curb, do your U-turn, right . . . left . . . stop . . . left . . . left . . . right . . . change lanes . . . right, ride past me and when I say stop do a quick stop. Bill didn?t like my U-turn halfway through it he begins telling me ?that turn is going to get you in trouble some day, too much lean, you need to be more vertical.? When you don?t think it can get any worse, I kill my bike at a stop light. Oh boy.

    It?s been about 10-minutes and Tester Bill tells me to take it back to the DMV office. I figure it?s over, I?m done! What a waste of a vacation day. On the way back to the station the speed limit briefly goes up to 35 mph so I?m able to get it out of second gear before pulling into the parking lot. I have half a notion to just keep going, not bothering to stop for Bill?s de-briefing in front of the waiting bikers. ?Park it here,? Bill orders and I stop the bike. I hand the safety vest and ear piece to the next rider as Tester Bill calls me over to his Taurus??You really know how to handle your bike son, congratulations, you passed.? I almost fell over right there and then. He hands me some forms and tells me to go in and get my license.

    When I took my motorcycle test twenty-some years ago, all I had to do was ride around some cones in a parking lot. This was a new experience for me. I hope you all appreciate what you have and don?t let it lapse. I wouldn?t want anybody to go through the mess I went through.

    It was nearly 6:00 when I returned to ShopKo to get my wife for her first legal ride on the GS. I had to wait for her, the local news media was interviewing her and the folks from Guinness were on their way, it seems she had set a new world record for amount of time spent in a discount store.

    Sorry
    , but my GS is NOT for sale, after putting on about 200 miles together yesterday, my wife loves it! We just need a new his & her seat, it has the original seat which isn?t comfy on the tuhsy on long rides. She wants to take a trip to Northern Wisconsin to the Apostle Islands on the bike?Yeah!

    Thanks for a great forum and happy riding.

    #2
    Great story, David, glad you passed the road test. Maybe a good
    idea would be to road test to the standards when a bike was made.

    I remember my test, although it was long long ago. I attended a
    16 hour training class on a Saturday and Sunday, riding a 250cc
    provided by the trainers. They threw out a dozen old tires and,
    being a smart person, I figured we were supposed to go weave
    between them. But no, we were told to ride back and forth OVER
    these tires in some fear desensitization exercise to show us how
    the forks work like shock absorbers. Swell.

    We drew lots. My road test was 08:30 the next day, i.e. Monday.
    At the exam site I let out the clutch and rode the cones in a
    torrential downpour. It felt like somebody was spraying my face
    with a garden hose - meanwhile I am obliged to use my left arm
    to give bloody hand signals for every turn and stop, like I have
    time to take it off the handlebar to communicate in sign language
    and stick it back for the next gear, eh? Maybe this accounts
    for my attitude towards rain and "pressing on regardless".

    Ed

    Comment


      #3
      Wow, what an ordeal...I'm here in Stevens Point, looking forward to the same test you had, and have heard all kinds of stories from folks around who "heard about it from a friend", so I am glad to get a first hand account of what I can expect...wish me luck guys, I will let you know when/if I pass the damned thing :roll:

      Comment


        #4
        Congratulations on passing that very "unique" test! I had to get a new license because of an Ex hubby who didn't like bikes and masde me lapse my original license. Hawaii test is very technical cone course, but at least it's consistant and you only have to wait about a week.

        Isn't it nice to have a spouse who supports you in your love?? Now, all she has to do is enroll in an MSF course and get her own bike

        Comment


          #5
          Wisconsin....

          I know I've pointed this out before..but in Wisconsin (maybe other states?) if you take a certified training course, you can get a waiver that allows you to get your license without the test. Check the DMV site for information on obtaining your motorcycle license. They have more information there. The course can cost a few hundred bucks, but then you don't have to wait three months for your road test AND you get some professional training


          Josh

          Comment


            #6
            Thanks Josh--That's right, you can get your motorcycle license by taking a motorcycle safety course. The only problem is that the motorcycle safety classes fill up almost immediately when they are announced, which is in the fall of the year. Any Wisconsinites that want to go this route need to contact their technical college this fall-in September-to register for a class next summer.

            Comment


              #7
              Testing 1 2 3

              I followed the DMV's plan for getting a motorcycle license. I took the written test to get my permit. I actually read the book while I waited in line. It doesn't take many brain cells to pass that silly thing.

              The riding test was a little more difficult to do. I was on a little Kaw 454 that didn't like to sit still without stalling, and had a weak battery and charging system. Wouldn't even start the first time I tried to take the test. So another guy waiting let me borrow his bike. I missunderstood the instructions the tester gave me, thought i was supposed to go past the cones, not turn before them. So I got a big F.

              Attempt number 2. I got my 454 running a bit better, but still didn't run well at low speeds. I made it a little farther, but got no second chance when my foot touched the ground on a cone weave.

              Third times the charm. I hopped on my dads new Vulcan 750 that i knew was gonna work. I studied every inch of the parking lot course, and aced that damn test.

              My girlfriend wants me to teach her to ride. I got her signed up for the safty courses here in Illinois (only cost $20). We had to register her in March for a class in September, but hopefully it will be worth it to get her some profesional training, and not to put her through the hell of riding misbehaving bike through a difficult course.

              Those courses are tough to get into. I tried to register for the advanced course, but with no luck maybe next summer.

              Fortunatly, we can just show up at the DMV whenever we they are open, and some guy comes out and watches you go through the course. I don't even think they have motorcycle license... kinda strange. But of course, in Illinois, if you fail, just slip the tester $50. Damn corrupt government.

              Comment


                #8
                OTHER places to take the courses...

                Hey David (Dave?),


                Thats what I thought too...until I went to check MATC and found out they might not be continuing with the courses. They said to check the web. I looked at the DMV site, and checked the net. There are a number of places that provide the waiver then just local tech colleges. Some motorcycle dealerships and independent companies that are filling a niche. They provide many more class and time options, but your local tech college will be the cheapest. MATC was running about 120 or 150, and some of the more expensive courses are 300+. Although, one of the Harley dealerships (Hal's maybe?) provide you with a $50 gift certificate to purchase accessories in their shop after you complete the course. But what do I want fifty bucks of H&D junk for?

                Here's the DMV site, and most but not all the places listed are tech colleges...I found some that weren't listed by searching the net....




                Josh

                Comment


                  #9
                  Re: OTHER places to take the courses...

                  Originally posted by thebigbadwolf72
                  But what do I want fifty bucks of H&D junk for?
                  Maybe you could buy one of their "swell" T-shirts!
                  Kevin
                  E-Bay: gsmcyclenut
                  "Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff." Frank Zappa

                  1978 GS750(x2 "projects"), 1983 GS1100ED (slowly becoming a parts bike), 1982 GS1100EZ,
                  Now joined the 21st century, 2013 Yamaha XTZ1200 Super Tenere.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    I'm surprised I didn't see any criticism of the evaluator during this test. I don't know about anyone else here, but I'm sick and tired of so-called riding experts giving bad advice. What possible reason would there be to leave your right foot on the peg when you stop? Brakes? Has he ever head of the front brake? That would be your primary stopping device and its much easier to use at a light. Just throttle away and pick your feet up quickly (don't drag them like I see so many Harley riders do).

                    Just my 2 cents

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Originally posted by Swanny
                      I'm surprised I didn't see any criticism of the evaluator during this test. I don't know about anyone else here, but I'm sick and tired of so-called riding experts giving bad advice. What possible reason would there be to leave your right foot on the peg when you stop? Brakes? Has he ever head of the front brake? That would be your primary stopping device and its much easier to use at a light. Just throttle away and pick your feet up quickly (don't drag them like I see so many Harley riders do).

                      Just my 2 cents
                      I think the logic is that you are supposed to be able to put your foot on the rear brake pedal and keep the bike in its proper position on a grade, for both stopping and starting. It doesn't matter if the test is on level ground, they want to see you have the right habits.

                      The idea is not bad, but I don't always agree with it. Stopping, as I regularly do, on a banked uphill left curve means I would never do that as I lean the bike into the lateral grade, with my right foot on the road, and hold the front brake. In this circumstance, putting the left foot down, especially if I was on the roadway crown, and/or if the roadway is slippery, means my foot is quite likely to slip....and the bike will fall.

                      Result: I agree with you...and agree with him. Both opinions are good, but one must choose which measure to take, depending on circumstance.
                      Bertrand Russell: 'Men are born ignorant, not stupid. They are made stupid by education.'

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Wow, I guess Southwest Wisconsin is very different from the Southeast, I bought my bike in June enrolled in a MSF course at the tech school and was liscensed by July. It was probably a little faster than I should have taken it as I only rode the driveway before the course.

                        My class was full but it seemed that if you were flexible you could get in sometime.

                        The class was a very valuable experience becuase it forces you to do more than just drive down the street. I find riding in town and the highway much easier than navigating the cones.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          WOW. geez man im really lookin forward to takin the test now. thanks man :? hehe

                          i dont think i'll get to it this summer, so i'll probably have to take the written again since my temp exp in november. and im riding everyday till then! they let ya renew the learners permit 3 times so says the book.

                          anyways.. you can get waiver thru the safety course. so i'd rather shell out some money for that than listen to TesterBill yellin at me. plus i might learn something i didnt know in the class.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            I don't know if Minnesota still does it, but in the mid 60's they used a closed course to do testing. The tester would follow you and use his horn for directions( 1 short beep=left turn etc.). My tester was following and signaled for a quick stop, I guess he was kind of new and didn't realize how fast a bike stopped from 15mph. Anyway, off the road he goes to avoid hitting me. Passed the test in about 10 minutes (still laughing when I turned in my paperwork).

                            Comment


                              #15
                              oh god thats funny...

                              and i just realized how old the post was that i replied to! doh!

                              Comment

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