.png "Powered by vBulletin")
I've posted this before. This is the first of a three-part story written by a friend of mine, Rich Rothschild, a Gold Wing rider. Here goes Part I:
Once upon a time there was a little boy named "Herd Mentality" (we'll call him "Herd" from now on because he could always be "heard"... but rarely seen, except in my rear view mirrors).
One day Herd decided he wanted to be cool... so he went to a fancy boutique known as a "Harley Davidson" store. Now, this was no ordinary store, because in addition to selling designer fashions, you could also buy just about any Halloween costume you wanted (as long as it was black or orange), and then of course, there's one more thing... they even had motorcycles for sale. Wow neato!
Now, Herd knew squat about motorcycles. He was frequently heard saying "Specifications shmeshifications... who cares? Performance, who cares? Reliability, who cares?" Because you see, Herd knew diddly, but Herd did know about the two most important elements of motorcycling... MYSTIQUE AND APPEARANCES.
Well. the salesgirl approached, Herd (she was wearing a costume that said, "this bitch didn't fall off") and ask if she could help him. He introduced himself and said said, "Yes, I want to be seen and Herd". She instantly recognized a well informed customer and responded, "You've come to the right place." Competent and sexy, (although a little rough around the edges) she proceeded to outline the process for Herd.
"First, you'll need a costume, uhhhh, I mean, riding gear. Second, we'll get you a Brain-Bucket, uhh, I mean a make-believe helmet that provides minimal protection and maximum image enhancement. Third, we'll take you to "helmet sticker alley" where you can choose from a wide variety of anti-social anti-establishment helmet stickers to complement your black leather costume. Fourth, just to make it official, we'll pick out a "trailer queen", uhhh, ooops, I mean, a motorcycle to complete your transformation to weekend warrior." And finally, after paying $25,000 for a brand new trailer queen, for an extra $500 we'll take off the perfectly functional stock exhaust and install some totally obnoxious pipes that will ensure that you will be both Seen and Heard."
Herd was excited. He was already fantasizing and imagining that he was cruisin down Rt66 with Peter Fonda. The transformation had begun. Herd picked out a leather vest and chaps. The salesgirl advised that for an extra hundred dollars they would allow him to wear an advertisement for Harley-Davidson on his back. Herd's hands shook with nervous excitement as he eagerly laid down his cash. Next, Herd Mentality picked out some helmet stickers that reflected his adroit, experienced and savvy appreciation for his new two-wheeled sport... "I'll take this one and this one," as he pointed to stickers that said, "Does Not Play Well with Others", and, I'd Rather Push my Harley than Ride a Honda." Cool. Too Cool. He eagerly laid down more cash.
Next, the salesgirl lead Herd to the back of the Store where there were a few motorcycles hidden in a corner. They must be good (thought Herd) because they all cost $20,000 or more. Herd noticed some used ones on the floor, 2002 & 2003 models. But they cost almost as much as the new ones. "Why are the used ones so expensive" asked Herd. "Well," beamed the Salesgirl, because H-D has high resale." Herd contemplated her response for a moment, grew bolder, and challenged her, "Oh, I figured they were expensive because they have such low mileage on them. Heck this 2002 model only has 900 miles on the odometer. Didn't the guy ever ride it?" The Salesgirl smiled assuredly and knowingly. She responded, "Of course, but he only lived 1 mile from his favorite watering hole... That's 450 round trips in less than two years. Remember, It's Not How Far You Ride... it's WHAT you ride that counts!" Herd stopped in his tracks... contemplating and savoring the irrefutable wisdon and truth of her proclamation. "Wow, this mystique thing really makes sense." He pondered her answer a few more moments and... realized he was confused by this abstract conundrum.
He refocused on more mundane issues. "Deuce? Dyna-Glide? Dyna Wide Glide? Tour Glide? How do I know which one is right for me?" The salesgirl assured him that he had nothing to worry about... She responded, " they're ALL Right for you... you see, you don't have to worry about things like engines or transmissions... They're all basically the same, they just look different... just pick the one that gives you the best image."
"Wow!", thought Herd, "this really is easy". "But... But.... these look pretty big! Will I be able to handle them? "Absolutely replied the salesgirl. They are big, but they're easy to ride because they only put out 63 horsepower whch is more then enough to cruise 5 miles to the local Burger King or Watering Hole." Besides with the loud pipes, it'll sound like you have twice the horsepower. Just remember to rev it up a lot at the stoplights.
The fever pulsated in Herd's soul as he continued forward in his transformation. "What next?" he asked.
"Well, now its time to get your pipes. Loud Pipes Save Lives". The logic was self-evident... NOISE=SAFETY; SAFETY=NOISE (Of course, safety was the last thing in Herd Mentality's mind when he was picking out his non-DOT brain bucket.")
Well, 3 hours and $23,000 later, Herd was ALL-SET. The salesgirl returned from the rear of the Store. "OKAY... just back your trailer up to the loading dock in the rear and we'll load you FXDAWG on and tie-it down for you!"
Herd complied, and thirty minuted later, he was happliy on his way with his costume, stickers; and mystique safely in tow. "Life is Good", thought Herd, as he tooled down the highway in his SUV.
STAY-TUNED NEXT WEEK FOR A COMPLETELY NEW CHAPTER OF
"HERD MENTALITY". In next week's EXCITING SEQUEL, Herd becomes a HOG MEMBER and visits his first biker bar!
Once upon a time there was a little boy named "Herd Mentality" (we'll call him "Herd" from now on because he could always be "heard"... but rarely seen, except in my rear view mirrors).
One day Herd decided he wanted to be cool... so he went to a fancy boutique known as a "Harley Davidson" store. Now, this was no ordinary store, because in addition to selling designer fashions, you could also buy just about any Halloween costume you wanted (as long as it was black or orange), and then of course, there's one more thing... they even had motorcycles for sale. Wow neato!
Now, Herd knew squat about motorcycles. He was frequently heard saying "Specifications shmeshifications... who cares? Performance, who cares? Reliability, who cares?" Because you see, Herd knew diddly, but Herd did know about the two most important elements of motorcycling... MYSTIQUE AND APPEARANCES.
Well. the salesgirl approached, Herd (she was wearing a costume that said, "this bitch didn't fall off") and ask if she could help him. He introduced himself and said said, "Yes, I want to be seen and Herd". She instantly recognized a well informed customer and responded, "You've come to the right place." Competent and sexy, (although a little rough around the edges) she proceeded to outline the process for Herd.
"First, you'll need a costume, uhhhh, I mean, riding gear. Second, we'll get you a Brain-Bucket, uhh, I mean a make-believe helmet that provides minimal protection and maximum image enhancement. Third, we'll take you to "helmet sticker alley" where you can choose from a wide variety of anti-social anti-establishment helmet stickers to complement your black leather costume. Fourth, just to make it official, we'll pick out a "trailer queen", uhhh, ooops, I mean, a motorcycle to complete your transformation to weekend warrior." And finally, after paying $25,000 for a brand new trailer queen, for an extra $500 we'll take off the perfectly functional stock exhaust and install some totally obnoxious pipes that will ensure that you will be both Seen and Heard."
Herd was excited. He was already fantasizing and imagining that he was cruisin down Rt66 with Peter Fonda. The transformation had begun. Herd picked out a leather vest and chaps. The salesgirl advised that for an extra hundred dollars they would allow him to wear an advertisement for Harley-Davidson on his back. Herd's hands shook with nervous excitement as he eagerly laid down his cash. Next, Herd Mentality picked out some helmet stickers that reflected his adroit, experienced and savvy appreciation for his new two-wheeled sport... "I'll take this one and this one," as he pointed to stickers that said, "Does Not Play Well with Others", and, I'd Rather Push my Harley than Ride a Honda." Cool. Too Cool. He eagerly laid down more cash.
Next, the salesgirl lead Herd to the back of the Store where there were a few motorcycles hidden in a corner. They must be good (thought Herd) because they all cost $20,000 or more. Herd noticed some used ones on the floor, 2002 & 2003 models. But they cost almost as much as the new ones. "Why are the used ones so expensive" asked Herd. "Well," beamed the Salesgirl, because H-D has high resale." Herd contemplated her response for a moment, grew bolder, and challenged her, "Oh, I figured they were expensive because they have such low mileage on them. Heck this 2002 model only has 900 miles on the odometer. Didn't the guy ever ride it?" The Salesgirl smiled assuredly and knowingly. She responded, "Of course, but he only lived 1 mile from his favorite watering hole... That's 450 round trips in less than two years. Remember, It's Not How Far You Ride... it's WHAT you ride that counts!" Herd stopped in his tracks... contemplating and savoring the irrefutable wisdon and truth of her proclamation. "Wow, this mystique thing really makes sense." He pondered her answer a few more moments and... realized he was confused by this abstract conundrum.
He refocused on more mundane issues. "Deuce? Dyna-Glide? Dyna Wide Glide? Tour Glide? How do I know which one is right for me?" The salesgirl assured him that he had nothing to worry about... She responded, " they're ALL Right for you... you see, you don't have to worry about things like engines or transmissions... They're all basically the same, they just look different... just pick the one that gives you the best image."
"Wow!", thought Herd, "this really is easy". "But... But.... these look pretty big! Will I be able to handle them? "Absolutely replied the salesgirl. They are big, but they're easy to ride because they only put out 63 horsepower whch is more then enough to cruise 5 miles to the local Burger King or Watering Hole." Besides with the loud pipes, it'll sound like you have twice the horsepower. Just remember to rev it up a lot at the stoplights.
The fever pulsated in Herd's soul as he continued forward in his transformation. "What next?" he asked.
"Well, now its time to get your pipes. Loud Pipes Save Lives". The logic was self-evident... NOISE=SAFETY; SAFETY=NOISE (Of course, safety was the last thing in Herd Mentality's mind when he was picking out his non-DOT brain bucket.")
Well, 3 hours and $23,000 later, Herd was ALL-SET. The salesgirl returned from the rear of the Store. "OKAY... just back your trailer up to the loading dock in the rear and we'll load you FXDAWG on and tie-it down for you!"
Herd complied, and thirty minuted later, he was happliy on his way with his costume, stickers; and mystique safely in tow. "Life is Good", thought Herd, as he tooled down the highway in his SUV.
STAY-TUNED NEXT WEEK FOR A COMPLETELY NEW CHAPTER OF
"HERD MENTALITY". In next week's EXCITING SEQUEL, Herd becomes a HOG MEMBER and visits his first biker bar!
I am sorry that I've taken some of your time because you felt the need to reply to my reply.
Very entertaining.
Comment